O Happy Mourning

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
-Matthew 5:4

I have always wondered what that means. Does that mean that people who lose loved ones are guaranteed comfort after (or in) their grief? I don’t really think so, because some people never get over certain losses. Jesus said this right after saying “Blessed are the poor in spirit…” which meant that happy people are the ones who realize that when it comes to things that matter to God, they are broke… poverty stricken… bankrupt.

When I first realized that about myself, I found out that the awesome person I always thought I was isn’t real… in fact, that person never existed. It’s sort of like I had to have a funeral for him. The great thing is that after mourning over the death of whoever I thought I was, I’ve found out that Jesus never loved that person anyway. He loves the real me… the bankrupt guy… and that makes me happy.

So, I wrote this song and it’s a song about a funeral… my funeral, really. The funeral of whoever I thought I was… and it’s a really upbeat pop song about said funeral.

…

Everybody’s dressed in black exchanging empathetic eyes
They whisper greetings with their heads hanging low
A recorded organ plays hymns to cover up the lies
Like, “He was always so sweet and kind you know…”

“He looks so good.” I hear them say
And that’s all I wanted everyday
But the death of all I was trying to be
Leaves an empty room with only me

And I am not the man I thought I was
He is dead and gone away
I’ve grieved and now I’m happy because
He was never real anyway

I leave flowers at the grave and drive off smiling in my car
‘Cause I don’t have to keep that up another day
See, I fooled them all, including me that I was someone that I am not
But under that whitewash was death and decay

So I’ll leave behind the hidden ness
And embrace this brokenness
Instead of what I was trying to be
I hear that You love fools like me

And I am not the man I thought I was
He is dead and gone away
I’ve grieved and now I’m happy because
You love me more than him anyday