The Girls went over to Aunt Jodie's this week and she took these awesome pics...


Underneath

I feel like everywhere I go lately I am answering one question: “How’s Christy doing today?” The one asking always has that sympathetic look in their eyes as they prepare themselves for the answer it seems I always give: “She’s not doing well… it’s been a rough day.” Sickness is tough… I mean, having a cold is like an annoyance and being really, really sick is a battle, but this unrelenting week after week of debilitating sickness feels something like Vietnam: a knock-down, drag-out fight you can’t see a way out of and you don’t remember not being in…

In watching Christy and trying to serve her through this time, I’ve often thought about Job suffering in ashes and piles of broken pots for who knows how long. I’ve thought about that woman in Matthew 9 who was incurably bleeding for 12 years or the man born blind in John 9 or that guy in John 5 who had been paralyzed for 38 years… Suffering is hard, but learning how to live with ongoing suffering is something else entirely. And look, I know it’s only been a couple of months, but that’s a long time when you’re sitting in the middle of it with no end in sight.

I think one of the hardest things about all of this for Christy (I mean, aside from feeling terrible all of the time) has just been the fear that maybe it won’t ever change… that this is life now. I’ve told her so many times, “Don’t worry babe, it’s gonna be over one day… you’ll feel normal again.” And unable to really talk, she just looks back with tears piled high in her tired eyes hoping that’s true, and afraid to have hope just in case it isn’t. I’ve often thought things were as bad as they could ever be only to see her turn a corner and plunge further and further into misery… there have been points at which I’ve honestly wondered, “How far down can we really go and still make it back out? How deep is this thing going to take us, and if we get there, will we find Him? Is He going to be there?”

It turns out that no matter how far down we go, He’s there, waiting. He continues to show us His love and minister to our hearts, minds and bodies. Last night Christy’s Sunday School class brought us dinner as so many others have… Family after family has been taking our kids and running them into the ground and feeding them so that I can get a little work done and He even gave us a few laughs last night over Everybody Loves Raymond and some hilarious commercial that had the legendary Meatloaf in it…

This morning I read a verse in Deuteronomy 33 that said, “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” No matter how far down we go, we can find Him if we’re looking. He’s a refuge, ready for us to run into His embrace like a hurting, confused and worn out baby, because even in the absolute subterranean depths of anguish and misery, He’s there. His everlasting arms are always underneath.


P.S. Charlie and his rockin' daughter came over yesterday, and I grabbed the camera for these pics of Dylan with Christy...