(stay tuned for a video at the end of this post!)
We’re getting to a place with this third pregnancy (and the accompanying sickness) where the kids are getting used to it and know what to expect with Mommy being really sick… I mean, they don’t give me funny looks anymore when I show up in their bedroom after they wake up in the morning. Before all this started I was always off and working before they got up, but now I am Mr. Breakfast-time, and they’re getting used to that. Also they’ve learned that when we get home from the store or the gym or wherever not to furiously knock on the locked front door until I can get there with the diaper bag or groceries to unlock it, as this makes Christy feel that she has to get up and get the door… not good. They’ve also sort of learned that when we arrive home, they don’t really need to go stampeding through the house to find Christy while screaming at the top of their lungs about whatever adventures we’ve had… (I say “sort of learned” because they are two rambunctious girls who love to stampede and scream more than almost anything.)
It turns out that we’re all really learning a lot. I’m learning how hard it is to be a full-time mom with laundry, dishes, naptime, bedtime, tax time, bath time, nutrition, spills and bad attitudes that all need my undivided attention right now! How am I supposed to give Anna computer time and reading time as well as give Norah ABC and color/shape time when (if I’m honest) I’m trying to make it to bedtime without completely losing my mind?! And on top of all this, my sweetheart is sicker than she’s ever been and in all the running around, grocery shopping and coordinating play dates, I just miss being with her…
I keep waking up every day with the mind-set that today will be the day… either it will be the day that the sickness stops and life can get back to normal, or it will be the day when I have a breakthrough and really grow… becoming the patient and long suffering parent that I desperately want to be when this whole thing is over. Everyday I go to the Scriptures looking for hope and looking for help. Will we make it through this? How? When? Sometimes I feel like one of the random millions of Israelites after that first Passover… all I see is water in front and an army behind and I’m not Moses, so I don’t know the plan… I’m just sitting there in the middle of the night waiting on a way out.
In Psalm 77 the songwriter Asaph talked about that night. He said, “The waters saw You , O God, the waters saw You and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; Your arrows flashed back and forth. Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, Your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footprints were not seen.”
Unlike the movie representations of that amazing night, the Red Sea didn’t split in twenty seconds… it took all night and according to Asaph, it was a long and stormy night of waiting and getting soaked. Sometimes God’s paths are long, dark and full of wind, rain, thunder and lightning, but He always walks in front, even when we can’t see His footprints. This trial has been hard, but I know that I am growing… be it ever so slowly. We’re going to make it out and we’re going to be different on the other side because we’re walking the path of the invisible footprints.
Here's a little video i put together for Norah... er, I mean, of Norah, for me...