Anna holding Jack...


There You Are

As I type this, my son is one week and one hour old. It feels like only five minutes ago that we were packing our overnight bag and heading out to St. Mary’s hospital so excited to finally see our baby. Christy was amazing… after each contraction, that incomparable smile broke over her face as she laughed, joked and even sang selections from South Pacific. It got harder and harder as the night wore on into morning and then it was over and Jack was here… in our world and in our arms. He was so cute and so small and (as always) I couldn’t stop crying. Paba was clicking pictures while Christy was kissing his tiny head and I was just so grateful everyone was okay. Watching a birth is like watching a death… not like the death of someone very old or someone at the end of a long sickness, but like someone dying in battle. It is like a death that is chock-full of vigor and life. It was like she was dying for him. It is a wonder that anyone makes it through birth, and yet they do. I shouldn’t say it’s just like watching death… rather, it’s like watching death and resurrection.

There he was. After all the waiting, dreaming and wondering, there he was. After all the appointments, measurements and ultrasounds, there he was. After all the sickness, sympathy and shower gifts, there he was… Jack. We actually debated over his name for months and only really decided in the midst of labor, but as soon as we saw him, we realized that he really was Jack after all… who else could he be? He was so sweet, he didn’t even cry when he was born. They tried to make him cry and he gave them a couple of little splutters, but then he quieted on down and fell asleep on Christy’s chest. He was the sleepiest baby ever. I remember Norah always having those eyes open, just looking around at everything, but Jack’s were glued shut. Tons of people were running around talking, checking stuff, messing with him and looking at him and still he was so sleepy. He wouldn’t open those eyes for anything.

But then he did. Christy started signing this song to him, and he opened his eyes. What’s more, he turned his head until he found her… the one singing the song. It was a Psalty song we sing to our kids that says, “I cast all my cares upon You, I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet, and anytime I don’t know what to do, I will cast all my cares upon You.” Christy was so excited to see his dark little eyes open up and wondered at how they sought her out and then remembered that this little guy had been listening to that song for months as Christy’s sweet voice sang it to our girls at bedtime. It was one of his favorite songs! He had been listening to that song (muffled as it was) for his whole life and finally he saw the face of the one who sang it, gazing on him in love.

Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” All my life I’ve been listening to Him sing love songs to my heart. Sometimes I’ve longed for the song and sometimes I’ve run from it. I’ve never really heard His voice, but I will one day. The Apostle says that, “…now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” One day I will awaken after death to that song I’ve heard my whole life… the song of His love. It won’t be muffled then, but clear. I’m going to open my eyes onto the very face of love… the One singing the song… and just like Jack, I’ll be thinking, “There you are.”